


in the land of submarines

by starrchild



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-03-08 09:29:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18891841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrchild/pseuds/starrchild
Summary: help them





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hello, this is my first beatles chatfic! I’ve wanted to do this for a while but I never bothered until now! hope you all enjoy I guess. 
> 
> (updates might be slow)

—5:36pm—

 

john added paul, george, and ringo!

 

john: do we still have corn flakes

 

george: please tell me you didn't create this group chat just to ask if we have corn flakes

 

john: thats exactly what I did

 

ringo: were in the same room ??

 

paul: no john we do not have anymore corn flakss

 

john: fuck

 

ringo: flakss

 

george: flakss

 

john: flakss

 

paul: fuck you

 

george: that's johns job

 

john: you sly fucker

 

george: ;)

 

ringo: I'm leaving

 

paul: I'm going to the market today

 

john: I'll go with you

 

paul: dang

 

john: :(

 

paul: I'm just kidding ily let's go

 

john: :D

 

ringo: stop I'm gagging

 

george: ^

 

paul: y'all are just jealous let's go luv

 

john: right behind you

 

john: literally

 

john: open the fucking the door I want my flakes

 

paul: you know what, keep the attitude and I'm not getting your arse shit.

 

ringo: sis snapped

 

george: don't say that

 

ringo: sis

 

ringo: s n a p p e d

 

george: you will be the one cleaning up my left over sandwich from earlier as I just threw it up from reading that.

 

paul: both of you are gross

 

george: bitch look at you and lennon

 

ringo: hahahahaha

 

john: I just want corn flakes

 

ringo: no eat cheerios hoe

 

john: fuck you

 

ringo: fuck you too

 

george: stop fucking cursing arseholes

 

paul: all three of you are children

 

john: at least we're not old

 

paul: nvm I'm not going to the market anymore

 

paul: eat cheerios you bastard

 

john: noOOOOooooiokkkkujnhm

 

john: I'm sory

 

paul: good to know

 

george: sory

 

ringo: sory

 

ringo: fuckin third grader can't spell sorey

 

ringo: shit

 

george: HAHAHAHAHA

 

john: that's what you get whore

 

paul: are you guys hungry?

 

john: did you just assume my gender?!

 

george: yes I'm hungry

 

ringo: I could eat

 

paul: everyone but john is getting dinner

 

john: hey what why

 

paul: cause you're annoying

 

john: >:(

 

paul: I'm cooking pasta tonight

 

george: fuck yeah

 

ringo: thank you mother paul

 

paul: you're welcome children

 

john: can I eat some

 

paul: no

 

ringo: hahahahahhahahaha

 

john: >:(

 

paul: I'm joking, you're obviously gonna fucking eat

 

john: :D

 

—7:20pm—

 

john: I still have yet to have my corn flakes

 

george: no one cares

 

john: you rude ass bitch

 

george: sour ass whore

 

paul: stop

 

ringo: ^

 

paul: john get your cornflakes tomorrow

 

john: but I want them now bitch

 

paul: then go fucking get the cornflakes yourself

 

john: I don't wanna drive

 

paul: well I'm not taking you

 

paul: have ringo take you

 

ringo: no

 

ringo: I'm in bed

 

george: I'll go

 

john: really?

 

george: no ahahhaba fuck you

 

john: you guys are so disrespectful

 

john: I just want cornflakes

 

paul: just wait until tomorrow

 

john: fucking fine

 

paul: ty

 

john: do we have cinnamon flakes

 

paul: NO

 

george: do we even own food

 

ringo: not really tbh

 

ringo: we eat takeout almost every night

 

paul: excuse me

 

paul: I cook you children dinner

 

ringo: that's why I said ALMOST bitch

 

paul: smh I can't stand you guys

 

john: then sit

 

george: you suck john

 

john: I mean

 

john: ur not wrong

 

george: EW

 

john: the fuck you mean 'EW' you said it first

 

ringo: hahshahahshahajshsh

 

george: nasty fuckers

 

john: oh please as if you don't suck ringo's dick all the time

 

paul: JOHN

 

ringo: oh my god I can't breathe

 

george: I can't even get mad because I set myself up for that one

 

john: damn right bitch.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> george doesn’t listen and suffers the consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayaya chapter 2! Enjoy <3

**_—2:30am—_ **

 

ringo: george stop crunching on chips so fucking loud

 

ringo: I can hear you from my room mate

 

george: we share a room you arse

 

ringo: why are you even eating chips? it's bloody 2:30am

 

john: 2:31am

 

ringo: shut it

 

george: I'll eat chips if I want to fuck off

 

john: wait did you take the last bag of chips

 

george: probably

 

john: you arsehole

 

paul: john put your bloody phone on vibrate I don't want to hear you texting in my sleep

 

john: vibrate is for the weak

 

paul: george stop eating chips

 

george: no

 

ringo: I just know you're gonna be bitching about your stomach pains in the morning

 

george: no you don't

 

paul: we all know

 

george: ain't that blimey

 

john: bitch you're gonna be the one buying more chips tomorrow morning

 

george: buy your own chips

 

john: I did

 

john: you ate them you bloody arse

 

ringo: I can't believe you are arguing over fucking chips

 

paul: ive said it a million times

 

paul: children.

 

john: oh fuck off

 

paul: actually I will because I'm tired

 

george: wait!

 

ringo: ?

 

paul: what

 

george: what's for breakfast

 

paul: good night

 

george: smh

 

**_—4:19am—_ **

 

george: So whats for breakfast

 

ringo: bitch I'm- ??

 

george: why are you awake

 

ringo: no no

 

ringo: the real question is why the fuck are YOU awake?? and asking for breakfast at 4:20 in the morning ?

 

john: 4:20 blaze it

 

george: fuck yeah

 

ringo: you idiot

 

ringo: did you just wake up to say that

 

john: this is a trick question

 

paul: just one night

 

paul: one fucking night of sleep is all I ask for

 

george: pol what's for breakfast I'm hungry

 

paul: when are you not hungry

 

paul: and Idk we don't have a lot of options, just eat a biscuit or something

 

paul: now all of you shut up, we have fucking class tomorrow

 

john: jokes on you I don't shut up

 

ringo: rt

 

george: oh shit I forgot about college

 

ringo: scgghhjjhhju

 

paul: maybe you forgot cause you don't even show up

 

george: bitch I thought you were sleeping

 

paul: I am now

 

john: pol is weak

 

john: where tf did y'all go?

 

john: wow so it really be like that sometimes

 

john: hellu

 

john: pussies

 

**_—8:25am—_ **

 

george: fuck guys help

 

george: the prof wont let me use the fucking bathroom

 

george: fuck fuck fuck fuck

 

ringo: I wonder why you need to use the bathroom geo

 

ringo: is it because your stomach hurts????!!?????

 

john: yes

 

george: shut up john

 

george: and no

 

john: he's lying

 

george: fuck you

 

john: ill defend you if you buy me more chips

 

george: no

 

john: I hope you shit your pants right now

 

ringo: I fucking told you geo

 

ringo: say it

 

george: say what

 

ringo: say your stomach hurts because you ate chips at 2 in the morning even though ringo told you not to but you didn't listen and now you're suffering.

 

george: fjkjkklkldl,d d,d

 

george: you're not the boss of me bitch

 

ringo: I'll walk over to your class right now and slap you

 

john: lmaoooo

 

john:do it

 

paul: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP OR NO ONE EATS DINNER FOR A WEEK

 

george: ...

 

ringo: george started it with his fucked up stomach

 

paul: I don't fucking care just shut the hell up I'm in class

 

john: pussy

 

george: fuck you richard I have a stomach of steel

 

john: how are you guys not getting in trouble for texting during class

 

george: same reason you're not getting in trouble for texting during class

 

john: bold of you to assume I'm in class

 

ringo: ??? where are you ???

 

george: you don't skip class john cuz you're a pussy

 

john: I'm not a pussy you're a pussy

 

george: you're a musty pussy

 

ringo: stop talking about pussy you sick fucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo you made it!! Thanks for reading :))
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child
> 
> find me on instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! welcome to chapter three! I just wanted to thank you all for all of the love :) I deeply appreciate it <3 enjoy!!

**_—3:45pm—_ **

 

john: I fucking hate COLLEGE

 

john: it's all bullshit!

 

george: rt

 

ringo: lmao what happened now

 

john: my professor is a fucking bitch

 

john: I hope she chokes on those nasty fucking smoothies she drinks every day

 

george: damn...

 

paul: which one?

 

john: mrs. rigby

 

ringo: wait is she the short one with that ugly ass bob?

 

john: yeah

 

paul: she's not that bad

 

george: she's a fucking bitch

 

john: thank joj

 

ringo: isn't she divorced? why does she still call her self 'mrs'

 

john: idk all I know is I can't stand her

 

paul: what did she even do

 

john: okay listen to this

 

george: thanks paul, now we have to care

 

john: shut up

 

john: all I was doing was putting my head down, NOT SLEEPING, just PUTTING MY HEAD DOWN!

 

ringo: ??? okay ???

 

john: and she fucking calls me with that disgusting croak of hers

 

john: she's like 'are you sleeping in class mr lennon?!?!' and I was like 'no I was just resting my head' and this BITCH fucking says 'well mr lennon i guess if you're so tired you can sleep after class' !!!

 

george: i don't get it

 

paul: same

 

ringo: she said you could sleep after class and you're mad because .... ???

 

john: SHE GAVE ME DETENTION

 

george: tf isn't detention for high schoolers

 

john: YES

 

paul: oh I was wondering why you were the only one not home rn

 

ringo: I was not wondering why you weren't home rn

 

ringo: I was eating the left over pasta

 

george: bitch those were my left overs

 

ringo: you didn't write your name on it

 

george: oh I'm sorry !! I didn't know I had to claim my own food!!

 

ringo: well now you know

 

ringo: :)

 

john: just someone come shoot me pls

 

paul: oh calm yourself

 

paul: when is your time out over?

 

john: like 5 mins

 

paul: you'll live

 

john: :/

 

_**-4:03pm—** _

 

john: guess who's a free fucking bitch??

 

ringo: no one cares

 

john: me bitchhdkdkjkldmdlewe28lp&aqldplddwqda

 

paul: um

 

george: mood

 

paul: u guud there jawn

 

john: fuck

 

john: I fucking tripped over a big ass cock

 

ringo: UM

 

john: *ROCK

 

john: I MEANT ROCK

 

george: HDHAHAHAAHAHSKHJSK

 

paul: you're a mcfuckin idiot

 

**_—6:17pm—_ **

 

george: MACCA

 

george: pls stop playing piano and make us food

 

ringo: pls cause then george is gonna have to cook

 

ringo: and that bitch can't cook for shit

 

george: I'm right here

 

ringo: good 4 you

 

paul: order pizza

 

paul: I'm in the zone

 

john: we had pizza yesterday tho

 

paul: idc eat shit

 

john: someone is moody

 

george: maybe he's on his period

 

john: yeah

 

paul: wow I guess you all don't feel like eating tonight!

 

paul: or for the rest of the week!!

 

ringo: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING

 

paul: o rite sorry

 

paul: wow I guess george and john don't feel like eating!!

 

george: nNO ($)2)@9

 

george: IM SORR Y

 

john: IT WAS JUST A JOKE

 

paul: hm

 

paul: while george and john will be eating air for dinner,,,ringo lets go eat dinner at that rlly good food place

 

ringo: b more pacific

 

paul: idk the one that's rlly good

 

ringo: there's billions of really good food places

 

paul: u know what

 

paul: you can eat air too I'm leaving

 

john: F U CK

 

**_—7:05pm—_ **

 

george: macca pls make food I'm begging u

 

paul: no

 

john: are u really gonna not fucking cook cause your moody

 

paul: yes

 

ringo: I cri

 

paul: sorry rings

 

george: i hate this fucking house

 

john: u kno what geo we don't need him

 

john: lets be the grown adults we are and cook our own food

 

ringo: NO

 

george: yeah lets do it

 

ringo: I'm gonna fucking smash my head against the door

 

**_—7:34pm—_ **

 

john: GEORGE YOU FUCKER

 

george: SSKFJKSL

 

ringo: um

 

paul: I want to ask what happened but I'm honestly scared

 

john: GEO FUCKING CRACKED AN EGG OVER MY HEAD

 

john: IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU

 

george: ITS YOUR FAULt

 

john: WHAT D ID I DO?!?

 

paul: fuck I'm gonna have to clean all this shit

 

george: okay but lisTEN

 

george: john kept fucking saying 'I am the egg man' and i kept telling him to shut the fuck up

 

george: and he wouldn't shut up about being a fucking egg man so I cracked an egg over his head

 

ringo: IM YELLINg

 

john: IT WASN'T jUST THAT! AFTER HE CRACKS THE EGG THIS ARSE SAYS 'Easter came early egg hoe' AND RUNS AWAY

 

paul: AHAHAHAH GEO I LUV U

 

ringo: you guys have no idea how sad I am that I wasn't there to witness that

 

george: lolololol

 

john: NOT LOL

 

john: I HAVE EGG YOLK IN MY EYE

 

george: your eyesight is already shit

 

george: won't make much of a difference

 

ringo: IM-

 

paul: this is beautiful

 

john: FUCK U GIRGE

 

george: girge

 

paul: girge

 

ringo: girge

 

'george' changed name to 'girge' !

 

ringo: omg I cant fucking BREATHE

 

john: you better watch your fucking back geirge

 

girge: oh I will

 

girge: jhon

 

paul: DJKSJKJKSJKSJKS

 

**_—8:03pm—_ **

 

paul: guys

 

paul: whats that smell

 

john: george's arse

 

ringo: AHAHAHAHAA

 

girge: fucc you humpty dumpty

 

paul: no but seriously

 

ringo: oh shit I smell it too

 

paul: smells like burning

 

john: where do u smell it ?

 

paul: idk it smells like its coming from the kitchen

 

girge: FUCK

 

john: SHIT

 

ringo: oh no

 

girge: I THOUGHT YOU TURNED THE STOVE OFF

 

john: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TURN IT OFF

 

john: AND HOW COULD I TURN THE FUCKING STOVE OFF IF I HAD EGG YOLK IN MY EYE?!

 

paul: shitshitshitshit

 

ringo: the stove is lit

 

ringo: literally

 

ringo: I'm in the kitchen rn and it's on fire

 

paul: whaT?!

 

paul: GEORGE AND JOHN

 

john: aw why can't I be first >:(

 

paul: GET UR ARSES OVER HERE NOW

 

girge: aw shit here we go again

 

**_—9:01pm—_ **

 

ringo: it's confirmed

 

ringo: john and george are fucking idiots

 

girge: hey!

 

girge: in our defense it wasn't that bad

 

john: yeah

 

paul: 'not that bad' my arse

 

paul: thanks to you arseholes we have to stay in a fucking motel until our flat is safe enough

 

john: at least it's a nice motel

 

ringo: I turned the sink on and a cockroach came crawling out of it

 

girge: oh that's what that screaming was

 

paul: you guys are so fucking annoying

 

john: shit we're sorry macca

 

girge: yeh...

 

ringo: um what abt me???

 

ringo: who was the one who called the ambulance?

 

john: oh yeah forgot about you lol

 

ringo: love u too

 

girge: bitch

 

paul: geo!

 

girge: oh sorry

 

girge: that was meant for jhon

 

paul: anyroad I believe you two were apologizing ???

 

girge: wait

 

girge changes 'john's name to 'jhon' !

 

jhon: wow

 

girge: okay lets continue

 

jhon: we're sorry rings and macca

 

girge: yeah I didn't mean for jhon to distract me and make me forget to turn the stove off

 

jhon: YOU HOE

 

ringo: we cant even get a normal apology

 

paul: we're the only sane ones here rings

 

ringo: rt

 

paul: lets make a gc with only us two

 

ringo: um-

 

girge: @ paul dumb bitch

 

jhon: hahahahsshhaahha

 

paul: fuck you guys I'm sleeping leave me alone

 

**_—3:33pm—_ **

 

ringo: guys help

 

ringo: there's another cockroach

 

ringo: I think it's the mommy and this bitch is not happy

 

ringo: AH FUCK

 

ringo: COCKROACHES CAN FLY!?

ringo: HELPF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you’ve made it again! thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed :)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child 
> 
> find me on instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cheese and gossiping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning, I wrote this at 12:30am and I honestly have no idea what I wrote. Y’all were asking for some starrison so I did what every writer does,,,,ignored you guys :)
> 
> nah I’m jk anyways enjoy this chapter sorry it may be very cheesy lmao, literally.

**_—7:05am—_ **

 

ringo: you guys are mean

 

ringo: I nearly died

 

ringo: again

 

geirge: why are you awake at 7am

 

ringo: why are you awake at 7 am?

 

geirge: I was taking a piss

 

ringo: I'm an early bird

 

geirge: thats fair

 

geirge: anywho

 

geirge: wait why are we texting were in the same room

 

ringo: I'm too lazy to move my lips to speak

 

geirge: i

 

geirge: i was gonna fight back but I cant cause I'm doing the same thing

 

ringo: did you know you sleep talk?

 

geirge: yeh

 

geirge: pol and jhon didn't tell you ?

 

ringo: no I had to learn the hard fucking way

 

ringo: you said some interesting stuff my dood

 

geirge: aw shit what did I say

 

ringo: .....

 

ringo: i forgot

 

ringo: hehe

 

geirge: LIAR

 

geirge: I can see you smiling

 

ringo: what does that have to do with anything bitch

 

geirge: you always smile when you lie!

 

ringo: oh

 

geirge: yeah and sometimes when you lie and feel guilty about it you bite your lip a lot

 

ringo: bitch what are you?? a stalker??

 

geirge: nah

 

geirge: just very observant

 

ringo: last week you walked into a door..

 

geirge: biTCH that door was just very clean

 

ringo: It wasn't even a glass door fnjfjndknnmd

 

geirge: I'm only observant with things I find pretty

 

ringo: oh..

 

geirge: um

 

geirge: so are jhon and paul awake

 

ringo: uhh idk probably not

 

geirge: wait hold on

 

geirge: we share a room so how come you barely discovered my sleep talking last night?

 

ringo: usually at the flat I sleep v good because I'm not haunted by an angry cockroach

 

ringo: but last night was different

 

ringo: idk I just didn't sleep that well

 

ringo: and then you talked your ass off in your sleep and since I was pretty much already awake I was forced to listen to it

 

geirge: sorry I thot you knew

 

ringo: it's alright I guess

 

jhon: ew wtf is this awkward ass conversation

 

jhon: I threw up a little in my mouth reading that

 

geirge: stfu you're irrelevant

 

jhon: says the irrelevant one

 

ringo: is paul awake yet

 

jhon: he's barely waking up rn

 

jhon: omg he's drooling

 

jhon: I'm in love

 

geirge: ew tf

 

—

 

**_(ringo and paul)_ **

 

ringo: paul my dear only sane friend

 

ringo: please wake up

 

ringo: i need ur help

 

ringo: and john is scaring me again

 

paul: what

 

paul: sorry I literally just woke up

 

paul: what's wrong

 

ringo: I'm pretty sure george was flirting with me..

 

paul: o

 

paul: wait whaT?!

 

paul: what did he say ?!?!?

 

ringo: fihiapdspeao;cofvnsv

 

ringo: i was talking about how he sleep talked, did you know he sleep talked?

 

ringo: and he asked what he said and i said i forgot and then he told me he knew i was lying cause he could see me smiling

 

ringo: and i asked what that had to do with anything and he said I always lie when i smile and then he proceeded to say I bite my lip when I feel guilty about lying

 

paul: omgomgomgomgomg

 

ringo: ITS NOT OVER

 

ringo: he said he was observant and THEN SAID

 

ringo: 'I'm only observant with things i find pretty'

 

paul: AHHHHHHHHFKSJIU

 

paul: AND THEN WHAT?!

 

ringo: he changed the topic iudsghwsl

 

ringo: the worse part is that we were in the same room when that conversation happened

 

ringo: were still in the same room

 

paul: and you two aren't snogging??

 

ringo: NO

 

ringo: i don't even like geo that way..

 

ringo: he doesn't like me either it was just platonic!

 

paul: are you stupid?

 

ringo: fuck you

 

paul: its so obvious geo likes you!!

 

paul: he literally has the softest side for you

 

ringo: bitch stop that he does not

 

paul: alright whatever you say

 

ringo: just do me a favor and don't tell john abt this

 

ringo: he's already annoying

 

paul: I won't tell :)

 

ringo: ty

 

—

 

**_(paul and john)_ **

 

paul: georgelikesringoandringolikeshimbackandnothingcanchangemymind

 

paul: good morning

 

john: wait what

 

john: do they really like each other??

 

paul: yes!!

 

paul: well i mean ringo said he doesn't like george that way but we both know he's lying so

 

john: how can we tell for sure tho

 

paul: idk

 

paul: we should start taking notes

 

john: how old are you?? 64?

 

paul: you know what

 

paul: i don't need you smh

 

john: no nonon i wanna help plssssss paulie

 

paul: idk you have to prove you're worthy

 

john: what

 

paul: just say sorry

 

paul: and buy me more mascara

 

paul: and chips

 

john: fine

 

john: sorry

 

john: and i’ll buy your mascara and chips :/

 

paul: yay you're the best ily

 

john: ...

 

john: i know I am

 

—

 

**_—8:16am—_ **

**_(group chat)_ **

 

paul: can we

 

jhon: no

 

paul: bitch let me fucking finish

 

paul: can we get a dog

 

geirge: YES

 

jhon: no

 

ringo: if we do

 

ringo: what are we gonna name it

 

geirge: george

 

jhon: john

 

paul: martha

 

ringo: those are all awful names

 

jhon: says the one who's name is ringo

 

geirge: FEHLFLDS

 

ringo: fuck you

 

paul: guys shut up

 

paul: i want a dog

 

geirge: me too

 

ringo: you guys can barely take care of yourselves how tf are you gonna take care of a living breathing creature

 

jhon: stop being a hater

 

geirge: jhon, rongo is a hater so we better dab on him !

 

jhon: heck yeah my dude XD

 

paul: delete yourselves

 

paul: you guys will not be allowed to go near martha

 

ringo: were not naming it martha

 

paul: and why not

 

ringo: its dumb

 

ringo: thats like naming it stan or some shit

 

geirge: my cousin had a dog named stan

 

jhon: good for you

 

paul: can we get a beagle

 

geirge: YES

 

jhon: fine

 

ringo: idc what kind of dog we get i just want it not to be named martha

 

paul: >:(

 

geirge: I GOT IT

 

jhon: got what

 

geirge: the name dumbarse

 

geirge: lets name it billy :D

 

ringo: i like that

 

paul: WAIt

 

paul: what about billy shears!!

 

jhon: oh shit that sounds kinda good

 

ringo: wait but what if its a girl?

 

paul: michelle?

 

geirge: anna!

 

jhon: eleanor

 

ringo: nonnonononoo

 

ringo: what about sadie ??

 

paul: YES

 

geirge: ^^

 

jhon: where are we gonna get it tho

 

paul: my brother has a friend who has a cousin who has a friend

 

geirge: um

 

jhon: ask your brothers friends cousin friend

 

ringo: i cant believe we're getting a dog

 

jhon: well rongo believe it because it's happening!!

 

geirge: lets get this bitch

 

ringo: what if its a boy

 

geirge: lets get this dog

 

**_—11:05am—_ **

 

jhon: I'm at the market do you guys need anything?

 

ringo: wait wait wait

 

ringo: you're at the market??

 

ringo: on purpose??

 

geirge: paul what tf did you put in the orange juice?

 

jhon: stfu fuckers

 

jhon: i came cause I owed paul some chips and mascara

 

paul: :)

 

geirge: you went to a fucking market for makeup?

 

jhon: no harry

 

jhon: I'm at the market to get the fucking chips and after I'm gonna go to the mall to buy paul his makeup

 

ringo: relationship goals

 

paul: stfu rongo i know your secrets

 

ringo: ahahahadhashutthefuckupillcutyouahahahaha

 

geirge: ringo you don't buy me makeup

 

ringo: ??? you ??? don't ??? wear ??? makeup ???

 

geirge: well what if i wanna

 

paul: really??

 

geirge: nah

 

geirge: I don't have time for that shit

 

paul: smh

 

jhon: george ill pick you up some makeup if you want

 

geirge: no bitch i was just joking

 

ringo: I'm still shocked that john is actually at the market

 

ringo: like he actually got out of bed and got ready to go for the market

 

geirge: he only did it for paul

 

jhon: not true

 

geirge: its very true

 

geirge: if it was me who asked you would've said no

 

jhon: lies

 

ringo: john just admit you're whipped for paul

 

paul: I'm still here ???

 

jhon: shut the fuck up rigno.

 

geirge: rigno

 

paul: rigno

 

ringo: rigno

 

jhon: I hate you guys

 

jhon: I hope you all starve

 

geirge changed ringo's name to 'rigno'!

 

rigno: ahahaha

 

geirge: that laugh was more dry than jhons arse

 

paul: HAHAHAHS

 

jhon: fuck you curious george

 

jhon: are we out of cheese

 

rigno: idk

 

geirge: probably cause your fat arse eats it all the time

 

jhon: I'm reporting you for cyber bullying

 

paul: yes john we're out of cheese

 

jhon: how do you know?

 

paul: I?? checked ???

 

geirge: how we haven't even been home

 

rigno: yeh we've been living in a roach infested motel

 

paul: I checked before we left??

 

jhon: why?

 

paul: can you just get the fucking cheese

 

jhon: but what if we're not out of cheese

 

jhon: then we're going to have extra cheese

 

geirge: wow johnny is so smart !

 

rigno: sksksksk

 

paul: do whatever you want but don't come bitching to me when we're out of cheese

 

jhon: but we're not out of cheese

 

paul: YES WE ARE

 

geirge: oh my fucking god

 

rigno: HSHAHAHA

 

rigno: I can just imagine john standing in the cheese isle not knowing what to do

 

geirge: the cheese isle

 

paul: I'm friends with homeless crack heads

 

geirge: you are a homeless crack head

 

paul: shut the fuck up

 

rigno: so are you gonna get cheese john?

 

jhon: idk what to do

 

jhon: do I get the cheese or not?!

 

paul: get the fucking cheese

 

geirge: johns a pussy

 

geirge: can't even get cheese

 

jhon: fuck you george I'm gonna buy every block of cheese

 

geirge: do it pussy

 

rigno: no

 

paul: I think I'm gonna have to go over there

 

paul: to slap some sense into john cause he's a fucking idiot

 

**_—12:30pm—_ **

 

rigno: george this is your fucking fault

 

geirge: what did I do

 

rigno: john bought ten fucking bags of cheese

 

geirge: DHSJSODKDM

 

geirge: DID HE REALLY?!

 

jhon: I'm no pussy

 

paul: I hate all of you so much

 

rigno: hey!

 

paul: oh sorry

 

paul: I hate all of you except for ringo

 

jhon: I bought your cheese didn't I?

 

paul: all we needed is one block of cheese

 

paul: what did you do?

 

paul: you bought ten fucking bags of cheese

 

paul: what are we going to even do with ten bags of cheese??

 

jhon: eat the cheese

 

geirge: no shit sherlock

 

rigno: why would you even buy so much cheese

 

rigno: were not even home

 

rigno: we don't have a refrigerator

 

geirge: hahahahaha john is so stupid

 

jhon: fuck you

 

jhon: I'll go home and drop the cheese off

 

paul: I reckon they won't let you in the house

 

jhon: oh they will

 

rigno: what are you gonna do

 

jhon: seduce them

 

geirge: that's an awful idea

 

geirge: the only way they can be seduced is if you take paul with you

 

paul: nope this is johns shit so he can figure it out himself

 

jhon: I'm my defense

 

jhon: you're the one who told me to buy the cheese

 

paul: ONE BLOCK

 

jhon: whateva

 

paul: I hate my life

 

**_—4:20pm—_ **

 

geirge: JOHNNY JOHNNY

 

jhon: yes papa

 

geirge: EATING SUGAR?!

 

jhon: no papa

 

geirge: TELLING LIES?!

 

jhon: no papa

 

geirge: OPEN YOUR MOUTH

 

jhon: ah ah ah

 

geirge: i saw the opportunity and I gladly took it

 

rigno: honestly what the fuck is wrong with you guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow you’ve made it again, thank you. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! Thank you to all for reading and supporting it means the world!
> 
> please leave comments and kudos it makes my day :)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child  
> find me on instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sickness and gossiping (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, sorry this chapter is rlly short I just felt the need to update! I’m sorry for taking forever, going through a serious phase of writers block and I’m packed with school finals :( anyways enough about me, enjoy this chapter!

**_—4:35pm–_ **

 

geirge: alright

 

geirge: which one of you fuckers got me sick?

 

paul: not me

 

jhon: ew you're sick?

 

geirge: I dunno

 

jhon: stay away from me

 

geirge: I never planned to go near you twat

 

jhon: you probably have mono from snogging ringo

 

paul: JOHN

 

rigno: I-

 

geirge: shut up you irrelevant bastard

 

jhon: lolololol

 

paul: george how do you feel?

 

geirge: idk my nose is all stuffed

 

geirge: and my throat hurts

 

rigno: paul is about to go all mom mode on geo

 

paul: damn right

 

paul: okay you're on bed rest

 

geirge: works for me!

 

geirge: didn't plan on leaving anyways ;)

 

jhon: but we're going to the fair today

 

rigno: o yeah

 

geirge: that's not fucking fair

 

geirge: I wanna go >:(

 

paul: no you're sick

 

geirge: I'm actually not that bad! I think it's my allergies

 

jhon: lying fuck

 

jhon: you don't have allergies >:)

 

geirge: do you hate me or something?

 

jhon: kinda yeah

 

jhon: it's tough love

 

rigno: tough love my arse

 

paul: john and ringo you guys go to the fair

 

paul: I'll stay home and take care of geo

 

jhon: chill

 

geirge: I'm so angry

 

geirge: I'm going to kick something

 

jhon: go ahead I'm in need of a laugh today

 

rigno: paul you and john can go to the fair, I'll take care of geo..

 

geirge: ....

 

paul: no it's fine I got him

 

rigno: no really I'd rather stay home anyway..

 

paul: oh

 

paul: OH

 

paul: okay ;)

 

geirge: um

 

jhon: awkward

 

rigno: can it john

 

paul: anyroad

 

paul: my dear john

 

paul: would you like to accompany me at the fair tonight?

 

jhon: I would love too :)

 

rigno: of course he would

 

geirge: ewwwwwwww

 

geirge: I'm throwing up

 

geirge: literally I just threw up rn

 

rigno: wait for real?

 

geirge: yeah it's kinda gross

 

jhon: ew ew ew

 

paul: aw fuck

 

paul: okokokok it's happening I'm on my way

 

rigno: holy shit there's so much throw up

 

rigno: damn geo what did you eat

 

jhon: your dick

 

paul: KNSKUNAJKA

 

rigno: nkdjjdjksimgonnaoffmyselfjnfjnfl

 

geirge: oh my gosh

 

geirge: next time I throw up I'm gonna throw up on you @ john

 

—5:01pm—

 

jhon: paul are you ready?

 

paul: yeah let's go

 

rigno: have fun guys :)

 

geirge: yeah have fun snogging on the Ferris wheel

 

jhon: go choke on your throw up

 

geirge: I think I'll pass :)

 

paul: ringo make sure geo stays in bed and that he's wearing his warm socks and pjs and that he has tea and soup

 

paul: also give him some cough syrup and you might need to rub vix on his chest.

 

rigno: damn okay

 

rigno: wait I have to what?!

 

paul: gtg guys bye!!

 

jhon: use protection

 

geirge: fuck off

 

rigno: hahahah

 

rigno: funny..

 

**_—5:21pm—_ **

 

geirge: ringoo

 

geirge: ringooooo

 

geirge: ringoooooooooooooooo

 

rigno: yes?

 

geirge: I don't feel good

 

rigno: I know that geo

 

geirge: come take care of me

 

rigno: mate I'm trying to make your soup

 

geirge: I don't want soup >:(

 

rigno: too bad

 

geirge: this is no fun

 

geirge: I wanna go on the bumper cars :(

 

rigno: I know that george

 

rigno: but you're sick and I promised paul I'd take care of ye

 

geirge: fuck my weak ass immune system

 

geirge: I feel like john

 

rigno: john?

 

geirge: yeah john

 

geirge: cause he's shit

 

rigno: I

 

rigno: I shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did reading that

 

geirge: I think I might throw up again

 

rigno: oh fuck please don't

 

rigno: I'm begging you

 

geirge: lolololol can't control me stomach

 

rigno: if you throw up please do it in the bathroom and not on the bed

 

geirge: oh but my love I'm stranded in bed!

 

geirge: you don't understand, my limbs have weakened

 

rigno: can you just,,,,,,,let me make your soup?

 

geirge: fine but if I throw up, I'm not cleaning it >:)

 

geirge: what do you think paul and john are doing

 

rigno: john is probably lost and paul is most likely high off of fucking cotton candy

 

geirge: true cause john is stupid

 

**_—_ **

****

**_private chat_ **

**_(paul and john)_ **

 

john: paulie?

 

john: where the fuck are you?

 

john: paul

 

john: PAUL

 

john: paul this isn't funny!!

 

john: wait I think I see you

 

john: are you getting a fucking rainbow painted on your cheek?!

 

john: oh my fucking god

 

**_-_ **

****

**_private chat_ **

**_(paul and ringo)_ **

 

paul: how’s everything

 

ringo: geo won’t shut his trap

 

ringo: he talks more than you

 

paul: wow love u too

 

paul: has he thrown up again?

 

ringo: nah but this bitch is so clingy

 

ringo: he won’t let me leave the room

 

paul: awwwwwkkwkkwlw

 

ringo: oh shIT

 

ringo: he wants me to lay down WITH HIM

 

paul: AHHH

 

paul: DO IT DO IT DO IT

 

ringo: I LEFT

 

paul: YOU FUCKING IDIOT

 

ringo: IM SORRY

 

ringo: I PANICKED

 

paul: if I was there I’d slap you

 

ringo: fuck what do I do?!

 

ringo: I feel so guilty dnidjjskjskkk

 

paul: go back in there!

 

paul: and just lay down

 

ringo: next to him?

 

paul: where else you idiot!

 

ringo: OKAY IM SORRY

 

ringo: okay I’m in the room now

 

ringo: he’s staring at me fuckfuckfuckfuck

 

paul: stop fucking texting me

 

paul: right now

 

ringo: he’s apologizing omggmosmgs

 

ringo: I’m an arse

 

paul: we been knew

 

paul: just stop texting me and fix your boyfriend

 

ringo: he’s NOT MY BOYFRIEND

 

paul: BYE

 

ringo: >:(

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you survived again woohoo
> 
> thank you for reading and for all the love and support! 
> 
> pls leave comments and kudos <3
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child   
> find me on instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lost and found, cheese (again), and secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! sorry for disappearing school is kicking my ass, but that doesn’t matter :)  
> there is a small IRL part in here and I am not too good at writing IRL so I’m sorry it sucks but I hope you enjoy anyways !

**_—10:05am—_ **

 

rigno: guys,,,,

 

rigno: what the fuck happened last night?

 

rigno: I cant remember shit

 

rigno: all I can remember is falling asleep and then waking up at 2am to john and paul being loud as fuck with rainbows and unicorns painted on their faces

 

rigno: where the hell is geo?

 

jhon: ah shit my head hurts

 

jhon: did we drink?

 

paul: what the fuck

 

paul: i reckon we did drink

 

paul: the question is why?

 

rigno: I dunno

 

rigno: I was peacefully sleeping and then all of a sudden you and john burst through the fucking door like crackheads and john is like lets fucking drink

 

rigno: and I refused but then you two convinced me and geo was still sleeping and now I wake up and he's gone

 

jhon: for not being able to remember shit you sure remembered a lot

 

paul: WE LOST GEORGE?!

 

rigno: I DONT KNOW

 

jhon: yay

 

paul: FUCK

 

rigno: where could he fucking be?!

 

paul: idk why he would even leave

 

jhon: cause he's a dumb bitch

 

paul: JOHN NOT RIGHT NOW

 

rigno: okay okay lets not panic

 

rigno: lets just retrace our steps

 

paul: fuckfuck fuck I'm such a bad mother, he's probably DEAD

 

jhon: stfu

 

rigno: okay where did both of you last see george?

 

rigno: I last saw him before I fell asleep next to him and then when I was rudely awoken

 

paul: um um um

 

paul: I last saw him while I was drunk out of my mind

 

rigno: where was he?

 

paul: in the room still asleep

 

jhon: i last saw him before I fell asleep on the couch

 

jhon: lad said something bout needing to get the fuck out lol

 

paul: WHAT?

 

paul: when the hell did he wake up?

 

rigno: I can't believe we lost him

 

jhon: you guys need to calm your tiddies

 

jhon: he probably went to the market or something

 

paul: please fucking enlighten me on why he would go to the market at 3am?? With a cold??

 

jhon: idk its fucking george he loves food

 

jhon: and where do you buy food??

 

jhon: the market

 

jhon: btw I call dibs on not going to the market to find him

 

rigno: bitch

 

rigno: because you called dibs for that you're gonna do exactly that

 

jhon: fuck you

 

jhon: me fucking head hurts

 

paul: take an Advil and suck it up

 

jhon: >:(

 

rigno: okay um where else would george be

 

jhon: idk

 

paul: so helpful !!

 

jhon: ;)

 

paul: maybe the park? he likes the park because he always eats the left over bread crumbs birds didn't get

 

rigno: okay

 

rigno: wait he what?!

 

rigno: what the fuck

 

jhon: weirdo

 

paul: it's a long story

 

rigno: right

 

rigno: okay so john will go the market, paul will go to the park

 

rigno: whats another geo place?

 

jhon: maybe the record shop

 

john: he likes going there to criticize teenagers who buy records just for the "aesthetic"

 

rigno: I'll go to the record shop

 

paul: what do we do if we don't find him?

 

jhon: celebrate

 

jhon: I'm just kidding idk we can call the police or something

 

rigno: I fucking hate both of you

 

jhon: bitch you were the one who lost him

 

paul: no one lost geo!

 

paul: just save the arguing for later and go help find george

 

jhon: yes captain

 

rigno: okay

 

rigno: text any updates

 

-

 

**_private chat_ **

**_(john and george)_ **

 

john: okay bitch the jig is up

 

john: where are you?

 

john: come on george pls don't make me go to the market for u

 

john: where the bloody hell could you be?

 

john: sheesh you're like a fucking three year old

 

john: you better pick up your phone and tell us where tf you are

 

john: pussy

 

**_—10:53am—_ **

 

group chat

 

paul: I checked the park and found nothing

 

paul: but there were no bread crumbs so maybe he stopped by the park??

 

jhon: I've searched this entire market and nothing

 

jhon: do you know how foolish I look asking the workers for him?

 

paul: okay so he's not at the market or the park

 

paul: maybe ringo found him?

 

jhon: okay this is how george works

 

jhon: he probably went to the market cause he was hungry but then later realized he had no money

 

jhon: so then maybe went to the park to eat the fucking bread crumbs or whatever

 

jhon: and after he ate all the bread crumbs like a fucking bird he got bored so maybe decided to stop by the record shop

 

paul: woah

 

paul: I've never seen you so smart before

 

jhon: oh

 

jhon: ...thanks?

 

rigno: no geo

 

jhon: where is this bitch?!

 

rigno: fuck idk

 

paul: should we call the police?

 

jhon: if it means I can go back to sleep then yes

 

rigno: WAIT NO

 

rigno: last night when I was taking care of him he wouldn't shut the hell up about wanting to go the the fair!

 

paul: yeah we know you told us

 

jhon: I don't get it

 

rigno: maybe he's at the fucking fair you dumbass

 

paul: OH

 

jhon: oh yeah I didn't even think about that

 

rigno: of course you didn't

 

rigno: I'll go search the fair

 

jhon: lit

 

paul: I'm starting to wish it was john who went missing..

 

jhon: HEY!

 

jhon: that hurt >:(

 

paul: I'm just kidding luv

 

paul: :)

 

jhon: smh

 

**_—11:23am—_ **

 

Ringo walked in the direction of the local fair at a fast moving pace. He crossed his fingers he would find George because he really didn't feel like going to the police for a missing friend, especially so early in the morning. As he walked he couldn't help but wonder why Geo left in the first place, did he do something wrong? All he can remember was falling asleep with the boy and having a few shots, next thing he knows he has a terrible headache and his friend is missing. He tried his best to stay calm so Paul and John wouldn't freak the fuck out but on the inside his stomach was in twenty knots all at once.

 

Ringo, after a fast walk, finally reached his destination. He took a moment to observe how dull the fair looked in the daytime. The colorful lights were on but not shining nearly as much as they did in the night time. Ringo let out a sigh and began to walk into the dull looking fair, he was surprised at how empty it was, there were no lines to be seen and barely any rides had been going. Then again, it was 11am so what could he expect.

 

He walked around the ride area of the fair, looked in bathrooms, but saw no sign of his friend, he could feel panic rising but he quickly swallowed it down. There was no time to panic, panicking would get him nowhere. He decided to try looking around the food and games area for a while, George did love food so it could only be accurate he would be there. Ringo prayed he would find his friend, he really didn't know what on earth he would do if he never found Geo.

 

It hadn't been long walking around in the food and games area until Ringo spotted his friend sitting at a table by himself, all panic washed away from Ringo and he let out a loud sigh of relief and sprinted over to the table. George looked to be in some sort of daze, god knows how long he had been sitting at that table. Ringo walked up to the table and flicked George in the head "Jesus Christ Geo! You can't just run off like that, we've been looking for ya all bloody mornin'!" George flinched at the sudden words and action, he looked up to see a not so amused Ringo and gave him a shrug. Ringo furrowed his eyebrows at the simple shrug and sat down on the chair across his friend.

 

"So ye disappear all night and when I find ya I get the silent treatment?" Ringo rhetorically said and George looked into his friends eyes with nothing but a blank stare. "Jus wasn't feeling good" he mumbled and Ringo scoffed "Yeah no fucking shit! You're sick Geo and what do you do? Disappear in the middle of the night and come to the fair!" Ringo said harshly, “And then we call ya all fucking morning and get not one peep from you!” at first he had been relieved to find his friend but now he was just angry. George blinked back in surprise, guilt quickly took over him but it didn't last long as soon as he remembered the reason why he had left.

 

"I left because my sick arse had to wake up to you John and Paul throwin a fuckin' party! I asked ya guys to quit being so loud so I could rest like _you_ demanded me too but all three of you were too drunk out yer damn minds to listen! So yeah I left and came to the fair just for some peace and quiet but obviously I can't even have that!" George spat back Ringo went silent. George cleared his throat and slouched into his chair while Ringo stood in the same shocked state.

 

"Erm—I'm sorry Ritchie, didn't mean to get all mad on ya like that" George said and let out a throat burning cough. The cough snapped Ringo back into reality from his shocked state, he looked at George who looked plain tired and awful, guilt immediately overwhelmed him. "No no! Don't be sorry Geo if anything I'm the one who should be saying sorry—I really don't know what got into me last night. I was supposed to be taking care of ya but instead I let myself get drunk out of me arse and I'm sorry.." Ringo fumbled with the rings on his fingers as he said his apology, he had been too focused on his rings to notice George slightly smiling at him. It was George’s giggle that turned Ringo's attention away from the rings and to his friend.

 

The sick boys giggles had turned into laughter and Ringo awkwardly laughed along until George started coughing like a cat hacking up a hairball. Ringo rose to his feet and started patting the back of his coughing friend. When George's small cough attack was over he looked up to Ringo and whined "I still feel like shit ya know" he said and Ringo lightly chuckled "Yeah I know—lets get ya back home, or at least to our cheap mote- wait why haven't ya answered yer phone? We been texting you all bloody morning!" Ringo said and George let out a heavy sigh "I brought me phone but it died, I went to the market to try and buy a charger—and some food but I didn't bring me credit card or money so I was stranded.." Ringo only nodded and let out an understanding hum. He reached out his hand to George's and George gladly took it and Ringo pulled George up to stand but as he got up his legs disagreed with his actions and he immediately went back down into his seat. Ringo was quick and grabbed George's arm and pulled it over his neck to support his sick friend. Slowly they walked back to their cheap little motel and Ringo pulled out his phone and lend it to George and told him to text the others that he had been found.

 

**_—_ **

****

**_—12:54pm—_ **

****

**_group chat_ **

 

rigno: will the real slim shady please stand up

 

paul: did you find geo

 

rigno: this is geo

 

rigno: :)

 

jhon: did he get high without us

 

rigno: no shithead

 

rigno: I have been found and captured

 

paul: ARE YOU OKAY?

 

paul: WHY DID YOU LEAVE

 

paul: WHAT WERE YOU FUCKING THINKING?!

 

jhon: oh boy

 

jhon: he mad

 

rigno: aw shit here we go again

 

jhon: tf do you mean again?

 

rigno: I already yelled at bongo about this

 

rigno: listen you two bitches

 

rigno: I left because you three were being loud as fuck and when I was trying to rest my sick arse

 

rigno: so I very kindly asked you three to quiet yourselves

 

jhon: you came into the room and screamed 'shut the fuck up I hate you all'

 

rigno: shut the fuck up

 

rigno: anyroad so y'all wouldn't shut up so I mf pulled a zayn

 

paul: oh

 

paul: fuck geo I'm sorry

 

jhon: me too

 

rigno: its fine

 

rigno: but you both owe me biscuits and vodka

 

rigno: :)

 

jhon: just get home you fucking arsehole

 

rigno: thats what were trying to do

 

rigno: ringo walks so slowwwww

 

rigno: omg wait I have his phone should I go through his shit

 

paul: no

 

jhon: yes

 

paul: NO

 

paul: its not nice and you wouldn't want him to do the same to you

 

jhon: bullshit

 

rigno: hmmmm but ringo would never cause he's a teddy bear

 

jhon: he's right

 

paul: just fucking don't

 

rigno: sheesh okay mom

 

paul: get your arse home

 

rigno: smh should've stayed missing

 

jhon: ahaha ahaha

 

**_—1:45pm—_ **

 

paul: john you and this fucking cheese

 

jhon: what about it

 

paul: there’s so much cheese we cant fit shit into this refrigerator

 

geirge: wait you’re home?

 

paul: yes do you need anything?

 

geirge: no but how is our flat?

 

paul: still smells like eggs and fire

 

rigno: are we surprised

 

paul: nope !

 

jhon: how did they even let you in

 

paul: they said its fine to go in to grab stuff but its not okay to live in yet

 

geirge: fuckkkkk its been a fucking week and we still cant live in our own home

 

jhon: I wonder who’s fault that is?

 

geirge: yours :)

 

jhon: no you whore

 

paul: do you guys need anything cause I’m about to leave

 

jhon: bring the good vodka

 

rigno: alcoholic

 

jhon: and what about it

 

jhon: bitch I saw you taking shots like a fucking maniac last night you have NO ROOM to talk

 

rigno: fuck you

 

geirge: paul can you bring my blanket

 

paul: yes

 

jhon: awwww georgie wants his blanket

 

geirge: shut the fuck up you ugly egg

 

jhon: ouch that hurt

 

geirge: good go to hell

 

rigno: I hate all of you

 

jhon: the feelings are mutual <3

 

paul: I am still shocked at the unholy amount of cheese we have in our refrigerator

 

rigno: blame john

 

jhon: everything is blame john! It was George’s fault too !

 

geirge: you fucking liar

 

geirge: I didn’t do shit

 

jhon: you called me a pussy

 

geirge: i call you that on a basis!

 

geirge: you were the one who bought ten fucking bags of cheese

 

geirge: pussy

 

rigno: it still makes me laugh to this day

 

jhon: you guys are bullies

 

geirge: I’m not a bully but when someone is wrong they need to know

 

paul: omg

 

paul: so much cheese

 

rigno: shut up abt the cheese pail

 

geirge: pail

 

jhon: pail

 

rigno: fuck

 

_**george changed paul’s name to pail!** _

 

geirge: join us pail

 

pail: dear lord

 

jhon: all hail pail

 

jhon: oh shit that rhymes look at me being all poetic and shit

 

rigno: you fucking idiot

 

jhon: you’re just jealous

 

geirge: imagine actually being jealous of john lmaooo

 

pail: skssksksks

 

jhon: >:(

 

pail: why did you have to buy so much cheese tho

 

jhon: STOP WITH THE C H E E S E

 

pail: I’m sorry but your idiocy just blows me away

 

pail: who buys ten bags of fucking cheese?!

 

geirge: john

 

rigno: what flavor is it?

 

pail: mozzarella

 

jhon: mozzarella

 

rigno: thats it?

 

rigno: just mozzarella

 

pail: thats what makes it worse!

 

pail: you would think, since I’m going to buy ten bags of cheese I might as well get different flavors!

 

pail: but no! Ill just buy ten bags of the same fucking flavored cheese!

 

geirge: this is by far my favorite episode of john is a dumbass

 

jhon: fuck you

 

jhon: go choke on the cheese

 

geirge: kinky

 

rigno: I’m uncomfortable

 

**_—4:37pm—_ **

 

rigno: george

 

geirge: yes ringo

 

rigno: I am going to ask you a very serious question and I want a 100% honest answer, okay?

 

geirge: .......okay?

 

geirge: should I be scared

 

pail: omgomgogmogmgm

 

pail: its happening everyone shut the fuck up

 

jhon: no one said anything

 

pail: SHUSH

 

pail: ringo pls continue

 

rigno: oh boy I’m nervous

 

rigno: just know that I will always support and love you geo

 

geirge: I’m officially worried

 

rigno: um

 

rigno: why the fuck do you eat the left over bread crumbs at the park

 

pail: wait no-

 

jhon: AHAHAHAHAHFHAHFHAHa

 

geirge: PAUL YOU TOLD THEM?!

 

pail: I’m sorry! It slipped out

 

geirge: like john slipping out of yer arse

 

rigno: HHHHHHH

 

pail: JHSKNSJKJAK

 

jhon: way to ruin the comedy geo

 

rigno: george I would like an answer

 

geirge: its really nothing

 

jhon: you call eating bread crumbs off of the floor at a park nothing?

 

jhon: weird flex but okay

 

pail: actually I’m kinda curious to know why as well

 

rigno: ty pol

 

rigno: so?

 

geirge: idk I just really like bread

 

jhon: then why not eat a normal slice of bread like a fucking human?

 

geirge: the bread at the park is DIFFERENT

 

geirge: it has a special taste to it

 

jhon: yeah its called bird shit

 

pail: LOL

 

geirge: oh fuck off

 

geirge: mrs. rogers always leaves sourdough and we don’t own sourdough

 

rigno: thats why there’s a magical food place called a market-

 

jhon: I can’t wait to use this secret as blackmail one day :)

 

pail: john no-

 

geirge: you better fucking not

 

geirge: I’ll expose you so fast you’ll cry

 

jhon: do it pussy I have no secrets

 

geirge: o really

 

rigno: this is gonna be interesting

 

pail: get the fucking popcorn

 

geirge: remember that one time in sophomore year?

 

geirge: you were obsessed with buddy holly

 

jhon: I still am thats no secret bitch try again

 

geirge: oh but my non friend john

 

geirge: that wasn’t the secret >:)

 

rigno: oh shitttttt

 

pail: .......

 

pail: well what was the secret?

 

geirge: I remember when he told me he literally got on his knees and begged me to never tell

 

geirge: but times have changed

 

jhon: you unloyal hoe

 

geirge: whenever john would have sex with a bird he would make them call him buddy or elvis and he and the bird would role play and john would be buddy/elvis and the bird would be a sexy housewife !!!!

 

jhon: FUCK YOU

 

rigno: WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

pail: MCNSMNDDKJSDKJS EW

 

geirge: >:)

 

pail: omg john pls say he’s lying

 

jhon: I’m gonna fucking kill you geo

 

geirge: please do

 

rigno: omfg john did role play during sex

 

jhon: IT WAS JUST ONCE

 

geirge: oh should I tell them abt daddy and sir too? or save that for next time?

 

jhon: YOU TWAT

 

rigno: JOHN HAS A DADDY/SIR KINK TOO?!

 

rigno: paul take notes

 

geirge: HSHJSJHAKLAA

 

pail: oh fuck off rongo

 

jhon: It was nice knowing you all but I’m officially ending myself ty and goodbye :)

 

rigno: I am never going to look at you the same way ever again

 

geirge: So whats for dinner?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading !! I appreciate all of the love <3 
> 
> pls leave comments and kudos it helps a lot ! :)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @starr-child   
> find me on Instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!! this chapter is a little short so I’m sorry for that! Idk if it’s still father’s day where you all are but it still is father’s day for me in cali so happy Father’s Day :)
> 
> tomorrow I’m starting summer school so my updates might take a little longer so I’m sorry but I hope you can forgive me !!  
> enjoy this chapter <3

**_—7:45am—_ **

 

rigno: hey john I heard ya had a daddy kink so happy father's day:)

 

gierge: AHAHAHAHSHSHAJ

 

jhon: fuck you bongo >:(

 

pail: ily ringo

 

pail: that was beautiful

 

rigno: thank

 

gierge: @ john you're the one with the daddy kink here so don't get mad fool

 

jhon: oh fuck you

 

jhon: you're into fucking animal porn

 

pail: EW

 

rigno: wtf

 

gierge: stop kink shaming >:(

 

pail: how do you guys even know that shit about each other

 

jhon: I told geo abt me but I found out abt him in an accidental way

 

jhon: I'm still scarred

 

gierge: over dramatic bitch

 

rigno: plz tell the story

 

jhon: it's long

 

rigno: we have the fucking time

 

jhon: sheesh ok

 

jhon: so it was a lovely beautiful day

 

jhon: birds were chirping and shit

 

jhon: and I was home alone with geo

 

jhon: you and pol were at the park or some shit, anyroad. I was bored as fuck so I decided to go bother geo right

 

jhon: so I go to his room but before I open the door I hear this motherfucker moaning and I was like oh shit when did he bring home a bird?? but then I noticed the moaning was only his nasty ass

 

jhon: so it hit me and I was like oh shit he's jacking off and I was going to walk away but then before I could I heard fucking animal sounds and now I'm really weirded tf out

 

jhon: so I bust the fucking door open and low and behold geo is fucking touching his sausage and on his laptop screen is literally two chimpanzees fucking

 

jhon: it took me fucking WEEKS to get that image out of my head

 

gierge: fuck you john >:(

 

rigno: WTF GEORGE

 

pail: I feel sick to my stomach

 

jhon: heheheheheh revenge >:)

 

gierge: you fucking arsehole this is why paul doesn't fucking love you

 

rigno: oh shit

 

jhon: .....ouch

 

pail: ....

 

gierge: hm

 

rigno: great now this shit is awkward as hell

 

jhon: blame the arsehole

 

gierge: yeah blame john

 

pail: HAHAHAHAH

 

jhon: HEY

 

gierge: okay so now you two bitches know me and johns kink

 

jhon: ***john and I

 

gierge: shut the fuck up

 

gierge: so now it's both of your turns to spill

 

rigno: fuck no

 

pail: I don't have any kinks

 

jhon: that's a lie

 

gierge: how would you know

 

jhon: bitch I don't know

 

rigno: hmmmmm

 

gierge: my guess is that paul has a babygirl kink and ringo is into bdsm

 

rigno: ew wtf

 

rigno: I can see the babygirl kink for paul tho tbh

 

jhon: me too

 

gierge: oh you would love to see that wouldn't you john?

 

jhon: shut the fuck up dracula

 

pail: I don't have a babygirl kink

 

pail: I don't have any kinks

 

jhon: yeah and the sky isn't blue

 

rigno: lmaooo

 

rigno: maybe he likes hair pulling?

 

gierge: oh shit I can see that

 

pail: you guys can keep guessing but you'll never find out cause I don't have one :)

 

jhon: smh I just know that's a lie

 

gierge: I guess we have to experiment

 

rigno: I volunteer john

 

gierge: me too

 

pail: me too

 

rigno: OH

 

jhon: I-

 

gierge: bitch I'm gONE

 

pail: ;)

 

rigno: james paul mccartney you better explain what the FUCK is going on

 

jhon: I'm so confused I'm going to the park

 

gierge: can I go with you

 

jhon: NO

 

**_—9:11am—_ **

 

gierge: how’s the park john

 

jhon: you’re missing out, mrs rogers is here and she forgot her glasses

 

jhon: she’s throwing the bread ten fuckin feet away from the birds lmao

 

jhon: blind bitch

 

gierge: FUCK

 

gierge: god darn I wish I was there

 

rigno: funny how john says rogers is a blind bitch when he has the eyesight of a fuckin baby bat

 

pail: it’s not funny to make fun of old people

 

jhon: but I’m not making fun of you

 

pail: I will burn your favorite pear of socks

 

gierge: pear

 

rigno: pear

 

jhon: pear

 

pail: fuck you all

 

gierge: yes let’s have an orgy

 

rigno: please no I’ll cry

 

jhon: nah geo ily but I wouldn’t fuck you

 

gierge: the feelings are mutual

 

rigno: I wouldn’t fuck any of you

 

rigno: well maybe one of you..

 

pail: ooooOoOoOoo

 

pail: I wonder who it isSs??

 

jhon: is it me?

 

rigno: LOL NO

 

jhon: ouch

 

pail: me?

 

rigno: nah

 

gierge: who?

 

rigno: idk

 

gierge: damn I rlly wanted to know

 

jhon: damn and I thought I was the dumb fuck

 

pail: JOHN

 

jhon: what?! it true look at this dumbass

 

rigno: lmaooooo

 

gierge: bitch I’m not dumb you are

 

jhon: whatever you say georgie

 

jhon: imma send pennywise after your arse

 

gierge: go ahead I’m not scared of that pennybitch

 

ringo: HDJDKDKD

 

rigno: STPP

 

pail: are you gonna come home yet john?

 

jhon: yeah I’m getting bored

 

pail: okay

 

pail: I’m gonna go to the mall does anyone wanna come with me

 

gierge: me!!!!!!

 

rigno: I’ll go

 

jhon: I wanna go can you guys wait for me?

 

gierge: no

 

pail: yes

 

rigno: Idk I’m not driving

 

pail: we will wait for you john

 

gierge: aw shit

 

gierge: I have to wait even longer for my pretzel >:(

 

jhon: good bitch

 

jhon: just for that I’m gonna take my fucking time

 

rigno: no

 

pail: john hurry up I’ll leave without you

 

jhon: NOOOOOO okay

 

jhon: I’m running now

 

gierge: I hope you fall

 

jhon: fuck tou$/:$/&/99//@21”

 

rigno: I think he fell

 

gierge: WOOHOO

 

pail: o shit

 

jhon: I fell

 

pail: are you okay?

 

jhon: yeah I just hit my head rlly hard

 

jhon: fuck I think I might throw up

 

pail: oh fuck

 

pail: where are you I’m taking you to the hospital

 

jhon: my nose is bleeding

 

gierge: oh shit

 

gierge: wait so does that mean we can’t go to the mall??

 

pail: I’m coming for you john

 

jhon: can you hurry pls my shirt is getting dirty

 

jhon: holy shit so much blood

 

jhon: why is it so red?

 

rigno: damn george you had to jinx it

 

gierge: IM SORRY

 

pail: lets just get him to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading!! Please leave comments and kudos :)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child  
> find me on Instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hospitals and feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone I’m temporarily back!! sorry this update took ages I’ve been so busy and now school is starting soon so I’m going to be even busier but I didn’t want to abandon everyone :)

**_—12pm—_ **

 

gierge: so what I'm getting is,,,,

 

gierge: we cant go to the mall??

 

rigno: I-

 

rigno: john is literally in the hospital and you're worried about the fucking mall?

 

gierge: no bitch I'm worried abt john ig but I was so ready to get my pretzel

 

rigno: 'worried abt john ig'

 

pail: george you insensitive bitch

 

gierge: oh stfu

 

rigno: hey paul how is john?

 

gierge: yeah they won't let us see him until you leave

 

pail: he's fine but he has a major concussion

 

pail: they gave him stitches and everything but rn he's on meds to help the pain

 

gierge: oh shit

 

pail: the meds he's on are making him all loopy lol he keeps yelling at the nurse telling her he can hear the color purple

 

rigno: damn

 

gierge: can I have what he's on

 

rigno: no

 

pail: can you guys run back to the motel and grab some of john's clothes, he might be here for a while

 

rigno: yes

 

rigno: anything else?

 

pail: a charger and food would be lovely as well

 

gierge: fuck yes let's get the food

 

rigno: i-

 

rigno: paul you should've seen how fast geo got up rn lmao

 

pail: hahah

 

gierge: ringo hurry up I'm hungry

 

rigno: ur always hungry stfu

 

rigno: paul what do you and john want?

 

pail: whatever is fine

 

pail: no I'm lying

 

pail: john wants pizza

 

pail: and ice cream

 

gierge: fuck yes I'm already drooling

 

rigno: fatass

 

gierge: hey >:(

 

rigno: john isn't here to say it so I said it in his honor

 

**_—1:30pm—_ **

 

pail: I hate to rush you two love birds but

 

pail: john is getting rlly impatient and he's yelling at the nurse saying she stole his pizza and ice cream and that he's going to sue the hospital

 

pail: so hurry the fuck up ty

 

rigno: sorry paul george is fighting with some lad

 

pail: ???why???

 

rigno: the lad was ordering his pizza and he ordered pineapple on his pizza and dumb bitch george says out loud "what the fuck" and yeah now they're just having a screaming competition

 

rigno: omg george just screamed "this is why your wife divorced you" fjdjskdk he is about to get punched

 

pail: um?? do something???

 

rigno: but it's kind of amusing

 

rigno: fuck never mind the lad just punched geo

 

rigno: oh hell no bitch

 

pail: the fuck

 

pail: hello?

 

pail: fuck

 

**_-2:07pm-_ **

 

rigno: dumb bitch

 

pail: ????

 

rigno: I'm so pissed rn

 

rigno: I slapped george for being a dumb arse

 

gierge: he started it!

 

pail: have you two even got the pizza?

 

rigno: no because george is a stupid head

 

rigno: we cant even go to the place anymore because of the fight

 

gierge: I was just speaking my opinion

 

rigno: yes well your opinion caused us to get banned from a fucking pizza place

 

pail: omg please just get it somewhere else and hurry!

 

gierge: fine we can go to joes

 

rigno: no bitch I'll go to joes

 

rigno: I'm dropping you off at the hospital because I can't have you starting another fight over pizza

 

gierge: noOoo I don't wanna wait in the waiting room please ringo babyyyyy

 

rigno: no

 

gierge: pretty please I'm going to fucking cry!

 

rigno: if I bring you

 

rigno: you will keep your mouth shut! not a single word will be heard from you unless I say you can talk.

 

gierge: okay I'll shut up

 

pail: john would be so happy rn

 

pail: HURRY UP

 

gierge: sheesh okay mom

 

gierge: old bitch

 

pail: I thought you were going to shut up???

 

rigno: he is! stfu

 

gierge: >:(

 

**_-2:30pm-_ **

 

gierge: ewwww who puts cucumber on pizza

 

rigno: did I give you permission to talk?

 

gierge: technically I'm not taking :)

 

rigno: you're so annoying

 

gierge: you love me

 

rigno: ...no

 

gierge: I can see you blushing ;)

 

rigno: then stop fucking looking

 

gierge: stop looking at such a beautiful sight??

 

gierge: think I'll pass :)

 

rigno: omfg stop

 

gierge: you're smiling

 

rigno: I'm going to slap you

 

gierge: id like that

 

pail: oh

 

pail: erm

 

pail: how's the pizza

 

rigno: FUCK

 

gierge: hahahahahhahahahahahahah

 

rigno: pizza is great paul! ha ha! should be ready in about three minutes

 

pail: okay great!

 

pail: can you two still get ice cream??

 

gierge: get it urself

 

rigno: yes! we can paul

 

pail: I would get the ice cream myself but I'm not allowed to leave so shut the hell up skinny bitch

 

gierge: oh

 

rigno: it's fine! there's a market next to this pizza place we can stop by rn

 

rigno: what flavor??

 

pail: john wants mint chip

 

gierge: ew

 

rigno: okay got it.

 

**_—2:58pm—_ **

 

pail: did y'all miss meeeeeeeee

 

gierge: um?

 

rigno: we were just texting

 

pail: we wereeee????

 

rigno: yes? we're on our way with johns pizza and ice cream

 

pail: o fuck yes my pizza finallyyy

 

gierge: either I'm a dumb bitch or confused

 

pail: ur both fucker hehe

 

rigno: is this not paul texting??

 

pail: bingOoooOo

 

pail: HAHSHSH bingo rINgo!!

 

pail: bingo

 

pail: r i n g o

 

pail: I'm naming u BRINGO!

 

rigno: john aren't u not allowed to be on your phone??

 

pail: shhhh

 

pail: techilaay I not on my fone cuz this is maccas phon!

 

gierge: how did his spelling go downhill out of nowhere??

 

pail: magix

 

rigno: john why do you have paul's phone?

 

pail: macca left to use pee pee so I grabb his phone when he left :)

 

gierge: he said you where asleep tho?? when we called him

 

pail: I was pretending !

 

gierge: dumb cow

 

pail: ono macca is the dumb cow four leaving his phone!

 

rigno: pls return pauls phone

 

pail: why so bossy >;(

 

rigno: not bossy

 

rigno: just looking out for your bitch ass

 

pail: am I bitch or ass bringo?

 

pail: pick one ;)

 

gierge: both

 

pail: kinky

 

rigno: omfg I never thought I would miss paul so much

 

pail: me too :(

 

gierge: ~ can’t relate ~

 

pail: paulie is amazinggggggg

 

pail: his pretty eyes and rosy cheeksss

 

pail: his mf l i p s

 

pail: he smells like heaven

 

gierge: ok

 

rigno: um.....

 

pail: in conclusion macca is great :)

 

rigno: is he still high??

 

pail: a lil bit ;)

 

gierge: I’m so fucking jealous

 

pail: hahah suck on this geo >:3

 

rigno: stop don’t do that face thing again

 

pail: why *uwu*

 

gierge: STOPPPP

 

pail: hahahahahaha >:3

 

pail: oh fuck paulie back gtg be asleep

 

pail: bye

 

gierge: bye??

 

rigno: tf

 

rigno: should we even take his pizza and ice cream??

 

gierge: I mean we can just eat it ourselves

 

rigno: nvm

 

pail: yes please bring the pizza and ice cream!!

 

rigno: is this paul?

 

pail: why wouldn’t it be??

 

rigno: no reason

 

gierge: yeah just don’t scroll up

 

rigno: omfg dumbass

 

pail: I’ll scroll up later but for now bring it!

 

rigno: were literally already here

 

gierge: he’s right

 

gierge: you have to come let us in cause they won’t let us in

 

pail: okay thanks lads <3

 

**_—3:26pm—_ **

 

pail: HE SAID ALL THAT??!

 

pail: omg omg

 

pail: guys???

 

pail: hello???

 

pail: fuck

 

pail: fuck fuck fuck

 

gierge: yes I absolutely agree you two should fuck fuck fuck

 

pail: GEO

 

gierge: you act so shocked that he actually said that lmaooo

 

pail: I AM

 

gierge: why? we been knew sis

 

pail: don’t say that

 

pail: am I really that oblivious??

 

gierge: yeah

 

gierge: also pretty stupid cause you’re texting this on a group chat that john himself is in this group chat

 

gierge: meaning he will most likely read this entire conversation

 

gierge: :)

 

pail: fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for reading!!! pls leave kudos and comments ! I love you all <3

**Author's Note:**

> woohoo you made it!! thanks for reading :))
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @ starr-child 
> 
> find me on instagram!  
> @ billysheeers


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